Leading With Emotions

Emotional Mastery Is The Door To Magic

Not long ago, I was working with a leadership team of a company that were experiencing substantial growth. The cost was that people were feeling weary. HR asked for a training on positivity for change but asked not to mention change, its fear, tension, or fatigue. I was left with: how can any strategy, framework, change work if we don’t include emotion?

What Is Emotional Intelligence?

Let’s clear something up first. Emotional intelligence isn’t about being nice. It’s not about being “soft.” And it’s definitely not about having group therapy in every team meeting.

It’s about awareness — knowing what’s happening inside you and around you so you can respond with clarity, not just react on autopilot.

Psychologist Daniel Goleman (1995) described five core domains:

1. Self-awareness – Being in touch with your own emotional state.

2. Self-regulation – Managing your impulses and emotional responses.

3. Motivation – Using emotion to drive purposeful action.

4. Empathy – Understanding what others might be feeling.

5. Social skill – Navigating relationships with intelligence and tact.

In leadership terms: this is what separates managers who simply direct from leaders who truly influence. Emotional Intelligence is what articulates that feeling of presence leaders have when walking into the boardroom.

Why Leading With Emotions?

The idea that emotions should be “left at the door” is a myth we’ve inherited from an outdated model of professionalism. What actually happens is they just leak out sideways — through avoidance, sarcasm, control, or burnout. You can’t not lead with emotion. You’re either doing it with awareness or by default. Let me put it bluntly:

• When you ignore anxiety in your team, it doesn’t go away — it just shows up in passive disengagement, absenteeism and resistance to change.

• When you suppress your own anger or frustration, it tends to leak — often at the wrong person or wrong moment and blows up on things that don't matter.

• When you pretend everything is fine, people sense the mismatch — and trust erodes.

The leaders who thrive now are those who can meet emotion directly — their own and others’ — with skill. When a leader can balance the performance needs of the organisation whilst engaging the relationships of an organisation, that is when a true leader emerges.

Beyond Emotional Intelligence: Intuition

This is where things get interesting. When I talk to senior leaders about intuition, I often get two responses: one group nods quietly — they’ve learned to trust their gut. The other group looks uneasy, like I’ve just introduced something unmeasurable.

Intuition isn’t mystical. It’s the fast processing of emotional and experiential data. It’s your body making sense of things before your brain catches up. Neuroscientist Antonio Damasio (1994) said that our gut feelings help us make faster, wiser decisions. Intuition is not guessing. It’s embodied intelligence built from years of navigating complexity.

However in real leadership: intuition isn’t an answer — it’s a question waiting to be explored. It’s the soft bell that rings before the data aligns, the whisper that says “slow down” or “pay attention here. It’s not about gut vs. logic. It’s about the integration of instinct, emotion, and reflection — your own inner intelligence system.

From Naivette/Agression To A Reckoning Force

A teacher once told me that people exist on a spectrum of give too much or too little, selfish and selfless, aggressive and passive. As leaders both aspects are needed but if we get stuck on one side, we become unhinged or depressed. I started on the naive, selfless and passive side which ended up in me being kicked about and feeling lost.

When I started leadership training, I went to the other side. At times I was angry, selfish and my tongue could lash out badly. When trouble found me, it gave me a chance of me facing life without collapsing. When everyone was against me, I did not get angry at myself or others but stood my ground, fought for what I needed without attacking back.

From Naivette/Agression To A Reckoning Force

Integrated leaders influence not by force or charisma alone, but by the quality of presence they embody. When their intuition arises from a state of clarity, calm, and alignment — their decisions carry a subtle authority that others naturally trust. They listen deeply, act from wholeness, and create environments where others feel safe to do the same.

In contrast, when a leader is caught by urgency or ego, leaders push action that looks impressive but lacks depth causing burnout. When intuition becomes distorted by fear or inertia, leaders bring avoidance, denial, or stagnation. This is what sets wise leadership apart: the ability to shape reality not through domination, but through discernment and emotional integrity.

Practical Tools You Can Use Today

I often say that good leadership is practical. But wise leadership feels mythic — not in a fantasy way, but because it touches on something timeless. Think of emotional intelligence as your inner wand. Not a flashy tool — but the steady instrument of attuned, embodied leadership. The ability to shape a team’s energy, navigate the unseen, and respond from presence, not projection.

Here are three tools I use regularly with leaders in therapy and coaching:

1. Name It to Tame It: Take a moment each morning: What am I feeling? Label it. No judgement. This builds clarity and self-awareness. It’s like cleaning your emotional lens before the day begins.

2. Pause Before You Act: Before you respond to that email, speak up in a meeting, or make a decision: Pause. Ask yourself — what’s the emotional charge here? Is this really about the present moment, or something older?

3. Find Inner Clarity: When you do let go of striving or wanting too hard, you will find a clarity of what needs to happen. By following that clarity, problems gets solved quicker and trust is built faster.

4. Develop Presence: From that inner clarity, inner conviction happens. From that inner conviction people will look up to you for answers and leadership. This is what it means leading with emotions.

   
   

What emotion is shaping you today? And are you leading with it… or being led by it?

References

• Barsade, S. G. (2002). The ripple effect: Emotional contagion and its influence on group behavior. Administrative Science Quarterly, 47(4), 644–675. https://doi.org/10.2307/3094912Damasio, A. R. (1994). Descartes’ error: Emotion, reason, and the human brain. New York: Avon Books.

• Boyatzis, R. E., & McKee, A. (2005). Resonant leadership: Renewing yourself and connecting with others through mindfulness, hope, and compassion. Boston: Harvard Business School Press.Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. New York: Bantam Books.

• Gross, J. J., & John, O. P. (2003). Individual differences in two emotion regulation processes: Implications for affect, relationships, and well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 85(2), 348–362. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.85.2.348

• OpenAI. (2025). ChatGPT (July 18 version) [Large language model]. Available from https://chat.openai.com